Starting Over

The day after Christmas in the year 2020, I sat in my in-laws driveway tearfully talking to our realtor on the phone. I should have been inside with our entire immediate family as we had planned on celebrating Christmas this day. Instead I was explaining through the tears why I had to move as soon as I could.

Rewind about four years ago and you’ll find us moving into our second home out in the country. A small home we downsized to in order to be closer to our church and in a school district we thought was beneficial for our first born. He would be starting school in just two shorts years. With our realtor in tow, we visited a small house that was in the middle of being constructed. It had been previously built and moved to this lot by the builder. Stripped down to the studs, it was just enough of a clean slate for me to get excited. Upon viewing the house, meeting the builder, and determining we would have some say in the finishes; we put in an offer. Several months later, when she was finished, we moved in and started creating a space for our family.

Needless to say, things did not go quite as planned, in that little house that we loved. There are so many stories here that I could write a book. Seriously. And maybe I’ll share some of those stories and experiences we had in the country, one at a time, but right now I’ll share the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Christmas night our neighbors had some people over, and without being there to know exactly what happened, you could say that things got out of hand. There was a dispute of some sort that ended with the stabbing of one person and a fatal gunshot wound to another. We woke to chaos, gun fire, and screaming early in the morning. A scene that happened in the matter of a few minutes but the uncertainty made it feel like it was never ending. We were up half the night out of shear anxiety, uneasiness, and fear. Blue lights flashing in our windows until daybreak. We headed out to my husband’s parents home as we were all gathering to celebrate Christmas. Sobbing the entire way and thinking that I cannot possibly live here anymore.

I know people experience death in all forms. That for some people fatal gunshot wounds happen outside their bedroom windows more times than not. But with the accumulation of the last four years, this was the last straw for us. We needed a fresh start. We needed to start over. And we needed to be redeemed.

So we put our little country home on the market and the entire process was such a God story! We had a better experience this time around than ever selling or purchasing before and it sold to a precious family with their own God story! My God can take some of the ugliest situations, ones in which you had big plans for, and turn them around in ways you could’ve never guessed! So we are currently residing in an apartment while our next home is being built. In a neighborhood that I’ve passed so many times and thought “that would be such a great place to live”. Ben and I never imagined moving to where we are moving or building a home again. Yet, here we are! And it’s simply because of God’s love for us. We prayed each day when we were preparing our old home for the market and after it was listed. In fact I wrote it on our bathroom mirror as a reminder.

“Lord, amplify your voice in my mind + and silence the chatter that confuses me. Thank you for accepting me where I am in this moment, while also calling me forth into the exciting future You have planned for me. Lead me where you want me and my family to go. In His powerful name, Amen.”

– Cleerly Stated